Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
