Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
