Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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