Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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