How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
