i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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