Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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