Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
BRING THE BAGELS
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
