her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we're making bets on your personal life
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
