I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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