Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
