If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
