Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
