On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
