Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
