look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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