I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
