Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
