Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
