New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We were destined to go to rehab together
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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