At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
