you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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