I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
