I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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