Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
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At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
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My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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