dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
