This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
