I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
