That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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