my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
