i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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