so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class