one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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