she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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