Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
