the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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