I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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