I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
