just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
