I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we're making bets on your personal life
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
