and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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