So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
