Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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