Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I wear drunk well.
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