If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
