come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
handjob tips. give me some.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
