She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
