just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
