does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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