Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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