we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
