Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
