True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We named our party play list daddy issues
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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