Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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