Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
