We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
