if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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