In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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