You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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