Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
