hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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