This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
