I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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