Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
