I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
