i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
This house was built for laser tag.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
