bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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