I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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