I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
