3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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