Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
