it's not cheating when I paid for it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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